So that should say a lot about how out of sorts I have been these last couple months.
Out of sorts is actually putting it very nicely.
(Read all about what's been going on if you haven't already)
I have pretty much been a train wreck these last two months. July through October I was in a bit of denial, plus just really happy to be back in Ohio, and really excited about my new job.
But reality hit hard in November as shock and denial wore off and gave way to pain and guilt, and I experienced burnout, exhaustion, and depression like I never had before.
So I definitely wore my bathrobe to church today ?
Today was the first day I left the house since Monday. I have been sick (not the covid, I got tested!), knocked completely on my butt since Monday, barely leaving my bed.
My body just crashed.
I have been experiencing some major burnout from work (already)- working 13+ hour days, plus a 1 hour drive each way, at a job that is already completely emotionally and mentally draining.
Not to mention everything that has been going on in my personal life, I'm not gonna lie, it's been tough.
And I like to act like I have everything together, and that I'm doing fine.
But I was getting real close to a nervous breakdown, and so huge shoutout to my wise and wonderful body for just saying, "Nope! We're shutting this down! Go relax and get your head on straight!"
I know it's a long journey, but I have amazing people (and Rocco) by my side, helping hold me up, even on my worst days, and reminding me that I am stronger than I think.
So here I am, feeling a little better, a little more rested, and a little more at peace.
So glad you asked!
For this new year, unlike most years, I do not have a grand list of goals that I would like to accomplish. Instead;
*I have one big goal (stay tuned).
*Two trips I would like to take (one is the trip with Rocco that I just booked yesterday).
*I want to be more positive (I have been a complete Negative Nancy the past couple months, and I know I need to stop feeling sorry for myself).
*And finally, to heal.
I know healing takes time, and that also there is no timetable. So I am going to focus this year on myself, and allow myself the time and space to feel everything I need to feel, and to heal.
So in 2021 it is not going to be a "New Year New Me." It is going to be the same strong woman who has held it together (barely), and struggled, and pushed forward, and started her life over from scratch. She is already stronger today than she was five months ago, and I am so proud, and so excited.
How to Move Past a Bad Year, and Look Forward to a New One.
I highly recommend reading it.