I just want to tell you before you read this, that in this post, I have poured out more emotions, and more feelings than I have in any post before. While writing this, I layed on my bed and sobbed uncontrollably. I just had so many raw emotions and memories, that I had to get it off my chest and put out there. So here goes:
Life. Is hard. That's just a given. Everybody knows that, everyone says that! You don't REALLY think about it. But by the time you hit 25, it just becomes a reality; You've already seen dreams crushed, you've broken hearts, and had yours broken. People you thought would be in your life forever die, they move away, or they just move out of your life. You've endured so many sleepless nights, and too many crushing disappointments to count! OF COURSE life is hard! But still, even with all of that, society expects you to be perfect! They expect you to have it all together, and to be happy all the time! Well I am here to say, THAT'S BULL! There's nothing wrong with losing it every once in a while! OF COURSE you're hurt, lost, sad, and devastated! Don't you dare think that if sometimes you feel down, or let your emotions get the best of you that you're a failure!
Sometimes I wonder to myself, "How many heartaches can I take? How much disappointment and devastation can I live with? How many completely terrifying experiences do I have to go through? Why does this world have to be so hard? Why do we have to go through all the things we do?" Well, I really don't know the answer to any of those questions, and, as I'm sitting here sobbing, I realize that I don't think I ever will. This is just a part of being human. We all go through these emotions. We all sometimes feel lost, terrified, overwhelmed, heartbroken, inadequate, disappointed, and just so completely devastated that we don't think we can even get out of bed in the morning.
I am not here to say that everything is going to be alright, because I can't! I have watched countless dreams die in front of me, always wondering if one day, one will ever come true. Time and time again, I have given my heart too freely, and hurt too deeply. I have been so utterly terrified, that there are no words I could ever think of to describe my fear. Every day I miss too many people, people I know I will never see again. Every day I miss places and experiences that I long for with every part of my being. I have endured so many disappointments, that sometimes the idea of giving up seems like the only option. I have seen, and experienced, so much pain, that I know it is not possible for me to ever go back to how I was before. That smiling, happy, carefree little girl in the picture above? She is gone. And in her place, a cynical, angry, emotional, and tired woman.
I'm not saying any of this to depress you, or to make anyone feel sorry for me. I just really needed to get my feelings off of my chest, and, I thought that maybe if you're feeling the same way (and if you are a human, then you most likely do, or did at one point in your life, or will at one point in your life), that it will hopefully help to know, that there is someone else out there, who knows how your feeling, and that you are not alone. All we can really do, is reach deep down inside ourselves, and find that everlasting (yet sometimes very hard to find) self-will to live, love, and thrive. It is hard, but you have to do it. Or else there's nothing left.
So good luck to all on your journey. Never forget, that there ARE others that feel the same as you, and always remember, that you have within you, an amazing and resilient willpower! You just have to search hard to find it sometimes, but never stop searching.
Peace, Love and Pain
Jess <3
Life. Is hard. That's just a given. Everybody knows that, everyone says that! You don't REALLY think about it. But by the time you hit 25, it just becomes a reality; You've already seen dreams crushed, you've broken hearts, and had yours broken. People you thought would be in your life forever die, they move away, or they just move out of your life. You've endured so many sleepless nights, and too many crushing disappointments to count! OF COURSE life is hard! But still, even with all of that, society expects you to be perfect! They expect you to have it all together, and to be happy all the time! Well I am here to say, THAT'S BULL! There's nothing wrong with losing it every once in a while! OF COURSE you're hurt, lost, sad, and devastated! Don't you dare think that if sometimes you feel down, or let your emotions get the best of you that you're a failure!
Sometimes I wonder to myself, "How many heartaches can I take? How much disappointment and devastation can I live with? How many completely terrifying experiences do I have to go through? Why does this world have to be so hard? Why do we have to go through all the things we do?" Well, I really don't know the answer to any of those questions, and, as I'm sitting here sobbing, I realize that I don't think I ever will. This is just a part of being human. We all go through these emotions. We all sometimes feel lost, terrified, overwhelmed, heartbroken, inadequate, disappointed, and just so completely devastated that we don't think we can even get out of bed in the morning.
I am not here to say that everything is going to be alright, because I can't! I have watched countless dreams die in front of me, always wondering if one day, one will ever come true. Time and time again, I have given my heart too freely, and hurt too deeply. I have been so utterly terrified, that there are no words I could ever think of to describe my fear. Every day I miss too many people, people I know I will never see again. Every day I miss places and experiences that I long for with every part of my being. I have endured so many disappointments, that sometimes the idea of giving up seems like the only option. I have seen, and experienced, so much pain, that I know it is not possible for me to ever go back to how I was before. That smiling, happy, carefree little girl in the picture above? She is gone. And in her place, a cynical, angry, emotional, and tired woman.
I'm not saying any of this to depress you, or to make anyone feel sorry for me. I just really needed to get my feelings off of my chest, and, I thought that maybe if you're feeling the same way (and if you are a human, then you most likely do, or did at one point in your life, or will at one point in your life), that it will hopefully help to know, that there is someone else out there, who knows how your feeling, and that you are not alone. All we can really do, is reach deep down inside ourselves, and find that everlasting (yet sometimes very hard to find) self-will to live, love, and thrive. It is hard, but you have to do it. Or else there's nothing left.
So good luck to all on your journey. Never forget, that there ARE others that feel the same as you, and always remember, that you have within you, an amazing and resilient willpower! You just have to search hard to find it sometimes, but never stop searching.
Peace, Love and Pain
Jess <3
